The Dark Phoenix

Welcome to my blog!

My name is Alexander Schrøder. I'm 18 years old as of April 6, 2004. I live in Oslo, the capital of Norway.

I won't tell you that much about me. If you'd like to know me, read my blog entries. They contain so much about me, they should let you know who I am. I pour my thoughts and activities into it.

   

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Friday, November 19, 2004
The blog has teh moved

And if you're worthy, you'll be informed of where to find it. Thank you very much for following me, but it's time to go.

Posted at 19:14 by darkphoenix
 

Thursday, October 07, 2004
I'd be writing more often, but...

I'm sorta tired of everything. It reminds me of a period I had earlier.. It's somewhere in this blog.. where everything just seemed so boring and uninteresting.. well.. it's over me again. I'm tired of school, of doing stuff on the PC, (especially stuff such as programming, making a website, etc. -- things considered creative) in other words, things that require me to work, but not really gain anything. (Except for school, since I gain in the currency of future knowledge and easier access to further studies, but I don't really feel like I gain something there and then. (unlike a job, where you know that if you work this and that much, you get this and that much money in your pocket) So right now, I spend most of my time playing games, watching movies and of course, like I'm doing right now (just figured I'd take a break and write something here (it's always good to write down how you feel, such as me about this stupid um... anhedonia as lynnlynn called it in my shoutbox back when I previously had it. It sounds about right. I don't get that nice feeling I'd usually get from doing something I normally enjoy. Normally I enjoy programming and making web-pages for instance. And normally, I like to go to school. At least I used to.

Nothing much else is up in my life. It just goes on and on in its normal, monotone way. Thank God for TV and That '70s Show. It's my escape from reality. (at the moment, anyway) I'm not continously going to preach about it though. If you watch it, you'll either get hooked, or just think it's silly. I hope the first, but I am not a missionary, I'm not gonna force it into your head that it rules. I just think it does. Which it does. Comprende? OK, good. As I was saying earlier, I was just watching that, and I think I'm gonna return to that now. OK, so, see ya later, when something new goes on. That might take a while.. but you just hold tight, I might, like... see someone get hit by a car tomorrow. That may need to be written down and discussed. (by me, with me, over me)

Current Mood: anhedonic
Currently Watching: That '70s Show

EDIT: Oh, what a mess this post turned out to be. Broken chains of thoughts, unclosed parentheses.. oh well. I'll just correct one thing, since it's the only thing to ruin the understanding of something. Where I say and of course, like I'm doing right now, it's supposed to continue with watching the "That '70s Show" after the small digression. Yup. Besides that, I only think I've forgotten to close some parentheses. I won't bother fixing that up now anyway. As a matter of fact -- uh -- I'm tired, and I'm going to bed now.


Posted at 22:06 by darkphoenix
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Saturday, September 25, 2004
OK, so I got ill

Right.. I got cold. Maybe I should stop just wearing a t-shirt in class? *hehe* No, really, the reason I got sick was a round of golf on last Sunday. I was just wearing my regular shoes (which are not waterproof) and the grass was really wet, so I ended up walking for five hours with wet shoes on. No wonder I got ill, eh? Yeah. So, I didn't go to school on Wednesday or Thursday, I was at home, feeling like crap.. and then, today, I tried to go to school.. got through three classes (without even remembering what they were about.. or at least, just remembering the main parts) and then went home again. Sucks being ill.

Usually when I'm ill, I lie in my bed and watch TV. However, the tuner signals to my TV are interrupted somewhere on the way from the antenna-box to my TV, so I get nothing on TV, but that white/black snow stuff. Luckily, I have connected my computer to my TV and I have downloaded 6 seasons of my currently favorite TV-series: That '70s Show! Oh yeah. There's been a long time since I remember loving watching something as funny as that on TV. The thing about seeing it on TV though, is that it only airs for about 20 minutes once a day. Sadly, it does so on two different channels simultaneously. So I can only watch one of them, or parts of either two. I usually go for the first option. In either case, I'm bound to miss out some of them, due to me not being home, like for instance when I am at work. Add to that that I get no TV signal, so I cannot tape it on my VCR and that my parents replaced their VCR with a DVD-player, so I can't borrow that either, and you see why I have to download the series. It's sort of a luxury issue, but I'd really love to see the whole story. It's just the greatest thing ever, you know? Each and every character I have seen so far has fitted perfectly into the series. I'm only on episode 17 of Season two yet, but that's just great though, cause that only means there's a lot of fun left!

Continuing a little on the "That 70s Show" thought, I really like this one girl on there, the one who plays Donna Pinciotti, Laura Prepon. She's so cool. And she's really pretty too. I might be a freak, but so be it, cause I'm just gonna say that I wish I was that guy Eric Forman, and that I actually lived in the 1970s in the USA with those exact people around me, and having that exact family and so on. I mean, of course, it wouldn't have been the same, since then I wouldn't have known about this guy (real me) wanting to be imaginative me, which would make that period seem not so special after all. Oh well, I just love to fantasize and imagine. I like being not so tied to this world... like.. wishing stuff like this.

Very little really happens when you're ill, so I don't have that much to talk about. I have already said that I've watched a lot of "That '70s Show", so you're prolly tired of that now. So I'll talk about something else. Like the other thing I did while I was ill. Except for sleeping, eating, drinking, walking around the house, etc., which I do when I'm not ill too, and which aren't that interesting to read nor write about. Yeah. *cough* -- I've gotten the game "The Sims 2", and it so rules. If you enjoyed playing "The Sims", which I did, "The Sims 2" will certainly keep you entertained for a long time. Unlike the first game, this time people grow up, get older, have desires, wishes, fears.. you can meet with aliens, you have teenagers who wants their first kisses to be special, you have lots of new cool items, you can have a lot more than just two floors.. oh yeah. There are a lot more statuses available, such as "best friend", "engaged", "enemy", "spouse", etc. Talking of spouse, all Sims have family trees, where you can see all about their ancestors. Also, when two sims have a baby, it inherits traits and the looks of its parents. It's so cute. Sad as it is, though, one of the funniest things of the game is to create characters. You can customize people so much now. Hair style, brow style, eyes, mouth, nose, face, chin, beard, mustache, clothing, wow. It's so... everlasting. *heh* You can make so many different variations, it's basically impossible to remake the same person. If you have a chance, you better get yourself this game as soon as you possibly can. I say.

Aww, man. I still don't feel too good, and I have work tomorrow. Working from 0900 to 1500. It's a great tribute to my wallet though. That's 600 NOK ($88.50 or 72 €) which will come in handy. So I'll just take some fever/pain killers and take my shift. Money turns the world around in our sad and capitalistic time.

Well, I'm closing off. Here's my current status:

Current Mood: Feeling radical


Posted at 00:05 by darkphoenix
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Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Cold? Ill? Moi?

Über-sneeze! I think I'm getting a cold. Or the flu. Or both. In any case, I'm getting ill. My nose is running, and my throat is getting sore. Maybe when I wake up tomorrow, I'm really ill?

Talking of cold.. there's something wrong in general with the people in this country. I mean, we're norwegians, god damnit. We are the people in this world who should be able to withstand cold.. but noo.. the general conception in my class is that the classroom is cold. I sit there in just a t-shirt, while others sit there with their jackets on, shivering. Makes me wonder what they're doing in this country. I demand to be able to have nice temperatures now, before the true winter sets in. Which I can, just having the window open in class. But they won't let me.

I'm a golfer.. today I got myself a pair of golf-shoes. Adidas ones. Very nice. I'll be sure to try them out sometime in the near future. Before the snow comes. It'll be impossible then.

Oh yes, btw... starting today, you might start seeing these in the end of my posts. I think they're cute.. annoying, but cute. And by that, I end this post.

Current Mood: Indifferent
Currently Listening To: A*Teens - Happy New Year (Don't ask me why)


Posted at 21:38 by darkphoenix
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An update on my life

If you've read all my previous posts, you'll see they're not so much about what I do, but more or less exclusively about what I think and feel. I've decided to change that this time, and will try to balance my posts so they contain both what I do and what I think. I belive that will make them more interesting for those who don't follow my thoughts.

Why don't I just start doing what my title promised? I'll update you on my life. The previous entry was entered some time right before school ended.. and summer vacation has passed, and now school has started again. My summer vacation was nice. It was nice being off that pressure that school forces upon you when you're in it. I spent most of my time indoors, like I always do, in front of this goddamn thing known as a computer, or, among the modern of you, a PC. Fortunately, I was able to get away from it for some time when we went on vacation to denmark. Denmark was nice. It's flat as a pancake, as we say here in Norway, but it is really nice there. I can't remember the name of the place we were, but that's rather irrelevant. It was so small that you'll probably never place your foot there ever. Just to mention, I was in Copenhagen also. Half a day or something.

I've just recently started a new job. I need money, you know, I need to buy my own driver's license.. and my own car... plus, I want a laptop.. and lots more, but those three are my first priorities. I should also consider saving up some money for an apartment, although I have a feeling I'm gonna have to use a loan for that once the time comes. My job started out well, but there is an issue. My boss told me that the feedback from my fellow employees wasn't that good. They say I'm not stressed enough. *heh* I'm sort of laid-back. And the job I'm in is sorta hectic. It doesn't really match up. I don't want to worry though, since I now know that it's a problem, I can fix it, right? I'll do my best the next time I work to seem more stressed. I should be more stressed too. It's not like there's that much time to slack anyway.

Speaking of school earlier, I have of course returned to school again. My last year on this "stage" of my education. The first stage is "kid's school" or maybe "elementary school" which lasts from you're 7 to you're 13. (actually it lasts from 6 to 13 nowadays, but when I started school, it was when you were 7) That step is mandatory. Second stage is "youth school" or "secondary school" or "juvenile school" or whatever you want to call it. It lasts from when you're 13 to when you're 16. That step is also mandatory, and it's the last mandatory step you need to make. The third step (which I am in now) is hard to translate. It is the step before college/university, anyway. It lasts from when you're 16 to when you're 19. I'm 18 now, and will be 19 before the school year is over. Anyway.. being the last school year at this stage, this years grades are the most important ones. So I feel a lot more pressure on me than what I did last year and the year before that. I've tried to do all my homework and stuff this year, and I started off well, but I've fallen off the track. I'm back to old habits of neglecting school work, and I hate it. When this week ends though, there'll be a one-week vacation, where I'll just relax some, and then start on. Trying to get back on track in the middle of everything is a hassle. I'll just rely on the fact that doing almost nothing the last two years got me better grades than most other people got, until the vacation is over and I start working again. I just can't bear the thought of doing anything right now.

In Norway, we have this weird habit for celebrating this last year in the third stage of school. It's called being a "Russ", and it's basically impossible for me to explain what it's all about. You'll get the idea as I write about it, when that time comes. Some time in March/April. Well, I could let you in on some basics. We all dress up in "Russ"-suits, looking something like the people in this picture: People in Russ-suits Notice how they all wear the same, more or less. I'm gonna be like that some time also. I'll put of a picture. *hehe* This tradition is entirely Norwegian, no other countries do it, afaik.

So, there you have it. An update on my life. I'm gonna write some more some other day soon. Maybe tomorrow? Who knows? I mustn't burn myself out by writing too much either. Rather write many times, but little, than few times and a lot. This time was an exception, since I haven't written for months, but don't expect me to write this much each time. I'm going to bed now, actually, it's over midnight... so good night.


Posted at 00:14 by darkphoenix
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Saturday, May 22, 2004
Lucid Dreaming

On this forum I frequently visit, there was some discussion about dreams being in color or monochrome, and if it's possible do dream lucidly or not, and other things concerning dreaming in general. Dreaming is certainly an interesting topic. I've read a book by a man called Richard Feynman, who said he tried dreaming lucidly, and succeeded, although he never called it lucid dreaming, it certainly was. I also have a few friends who have told me they've dreamt lucidly. Now I want to have a go at it myself.

Posted at 14:50 by darkphoenix
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Tuesday, April 27, 2004
My life, Part 1

A boy was born. It happened a Sunday morning, on the 6th of April 1986. He was given the name Alexander, which he got from his great-grandfater Carl Alexander. Already as a young child, he was very interested in how things worked, an interest which still lives strong in the guy. He kept opening and closing shelves, closets, etc. Not to get anything inside, just to observe how it worked. His father wanted him to be interested in sports, but that never turned out well. Alex did touch a football (talking about european football, aka. soccer) now and then, but he never found any genuine interest in one, and quickly stopped doing more or less anything related to sports.

The first memory Alex has is from when he was something like 1 or 2 years old. It's a very vague memory, yet he remembers it rather clearly, like a photograph in his head. He was sitting in a very shallow pool with a water toy and a spade just putting water into this toy with the shovel to see a watermill spin around. In his first kindergarten. That's about it.

The next thing he remembers is quitting this kindergarten to start in another. He was 3 years old, soonly becoming 4 by then. (This first kindergarten only allowed kids from ages 0-3)

He has very few memories from this place, except for a few things.He remembers driving once with a service truck to the place, since his dad worked as a mechanic, which made the other kids envious, since it had flashy lights, like a police-car. Oh, the things that makes kids happy. Another thing he remembers is that they had this backyard where there was a small traffic machine, where one could drive around on three-wheel bikes. Two more things from here to go. First of all, he remembers them letting him disassemble two phones which didn't work anymore, something which he greatly appreciated. (Remember from earlier his interest in how things worked?) Last, there was this girl who, when they ate, never finished her slices of bread properly. She only ate the soft part of the bread, never the crust. So when the rest of the people were finished eating, she had to sit left every day, until she completed her meal. Alex has no idea why he remembers this so well, and he actually even remembers even more about it. One day, for some reason, she finished her crust before she ate the rest of the bread. She was so proud about this. And that's where his memory stops in this kindergarten.

He quit quite quickly in this kindergarten, according to his parents because he was being bullied by some other kid, something which he remembers nothing of himself.

He remember the first day he got to this new kindergarten, it was just SO nice, and he really has a lot of nice memories from it, so he simply cannot tell them all to us. At least it was a nice time of his life, a time he has been looking back on whenever life has put him down really bad, he says, and he wanted to go back to the time before he even knew what the word 'worry' meant. He thinks he was here from when he was 4 or 5 until he was 7. After this, he started school, which we will continue when we get to Part 2.


I wrote this in the third person just because I was bored, somewhat trying to make it sound like a news coverage, altough I've succeeded rather badly at this. That's at least a coverage of the first seven years or so of my life, more to come at at later time.

Posted at 16:51 by darkphoenix
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Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Dear Diary, please forgive me, cause I have forsaken thee

20 days since I last wrote here. Amazingly enough, I don't have very much new. I think. At least I feel so right now, but it might end up with plenty of stuff here. Let's see.

In 6 days I am 18 years old. Which means that I have been alive for 18 years. That's a whole lot of time if you ask me. The worst part, I figured, is that I'll never get to be a kid again. I can always be a child at heart, some say, but it's not quite the same. Yet, I wouldn't want to go back to being a kid. It's kind of a conflict. A stupid one too, since I can't go back in time anyway. I wonder what life has to offer to an adult that it couldn't offer me as a child. First of all, I can do stuff without my parents' permission. I don't think there's really that much I want to do that I couldn't do already anyway. I can legally buy alcohol and tobacco, whatever good that will do. I can take all kinds of jobs except those where you sell booze. Which means I might be able to get a job again. Hopefully so, I've been unemployed since September 2003 now, it's getting on my nerves.

My class and I are going to London (you know, capital of England) in about a month. Exactly one month after my 18th birthday, actually. Which means, probably, fun! fun! fun! The class' most annoying person stays back in Norway. You know what that probably means? No annoyances, no annoyances, NO annoyances! Yay. It'll be fun. We're only gonna be there about four days and three nights. So it'll most likely be a little stressed - but who cares, it's London! Wee.

This week is test week at my school. Each day we have a 3-hour test in one subject. On monday we have chemistry, (which I feel I did quite well in, I only think I did wrong on one task) on tuesday we had Norwegian, (which is kind of hard to estimate the success in, it's really all about the teacher's personal judgement (which is why I find this subject to be rather biased (I like theoretical subjects more, where there's a right and a wrong (ooh, fourth level of parentheses)))) today we have a so called study-day, where you can prepare yourself for the two last tests. I should be preparing myself for physics now, (and I will in a while) since that's what we have tomorrow, and maybe also some math. (although physics and math is rather alike, it's just that math is mostly theoretical and physics is sorta practical (it can always be applied to the real life in some way)) I'll have time to practice for math tomorrow too though, so I should really focus on physics. Which I will. Soon.

Mm, that's the update on my current life. Don't stay up waiting for a new one, it might take a while before it gets updated.

Posted at 12:25 by darkphoenix
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Thursday, March 11, 2004
Being an adult

I'm gonna be 18 soon. Less than a month left until I'm officially an adult. Which is fine and all, but... even though I feel mature and responsible (and have felt so for a long time) I don't feel adult. I don't feel like the title is appropriate on me. In my heart, I know I'm still a child. I also have a feeling I'm gonna feel like this forever. Of course, I'm a lot more mature and responsible than a child, as I mentioned earlier, but I don't feel that I'm "serious" enough to be an adult. I still like stuff like cartoons and comics to be fun. I find things amsuing that I'm sure others my age wouldn't. However, I never said this was bad though, did I? And I don't feel like that either. I like being this way. I enjoy having one foot in each part of life. I hope I end up like my grandmother. She's all childish and fun and cool, but when it's needed, she's totally grown up and mature. That's how I want to be. I wish to be joyful and fun to be around, yet responsible and caring.

I like thinking back on my life. I do so often. So let's go back to the time when I first remember feeling like I was more than a kid. I think I was around 10-12 years old. I think it was during these years I developed the mind of a truly thinking human. If you think back on your childhood, you probably also remember sometime when your mind started going beyond just thinking about cause and effect. You start to think logically, you start to think of WHY the cause has its specific effect. You start wondering about stuff you didn't before. It's so hard to define. It's just like all other biological processes, the transfer goes so slowly you don't notice it. I can't really remember a specific date when "oh, now I changed". Anyway, this change was the first thing that made me feel more adult. Except for all the bodily changes you get when you're in puberty, that is. But those don't really affect your mind that much, but the fact that you start looking at girls a little differently, but that's something everybody knows, I wouldn't really have had to say that. It's a lovely process really. You don't remember it day by day, but you remember how your mind changed. I feel really lucky in a way, about my mind. When God or whomever or whatever distributed attributes, I was given a nifty amount of both intelligence and logic. And it didn't take me long to notice this. My logic sometimes fail me though, like it fails all people. I don't know where I'm going with this anymore. I'll just stop this topic now.

I think I'll even just drop the whole entry, since I don't have more to say. I never do anymore. Or then I do, but it's so uninteresting that I don't wanna put it here, or it's too personal to put here. In any case it won't end up here. Bye bye, and have a nice day, wherever and whoever you are.

Posted at 22:08 by darkphoenix
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Monday, March 01, 2004
Ah, so then it's school again tomorrow

Honestly, I like school better than free time. Why, you may ask. Mostly because I have nothing to do when I have free time.. Or then again, I do, but I don't want to do what I can do. Let's see what I can do..

I can watch TV. If there only were something good ever on the TV. I think my TV is on for a total of about 60 minutes a week, unless I actually care to watch the Simpsons every day, something I very seldom do, so usually it's only on for 60 minutes or less.

I can use my TV to play games on. I have a PlayStation with plenty of games, and a PlayStation 2 with some games.. and on my PlayStation I have a NES Emulator with something like 2000 games on. Still I don't feel like it. I suppose I'm spoiled. Not really compared to many people, but I'm too spoiled to enjoy something I know many people would just love to be able to do at all. So I am spoiled.

I can use my PC. It's an all-purpose tool after all. I could, like... play games on it... or... browse the internet... or... chat with people... or... e-mail somebody... or... download something... yeah.. you get the idea. This is also what I often do. Like right now, I'm still downloading those wonderful Sonic SatAM episodes. There might be a God, you know? (That's a joke by the way. Not a joke as in "There might be a God", but as in "There might be a God just because I got my hands on those episodes." And yes, I know you figured it out yourself, but there are so many stupid people in this world, and if you happen to be one of them, be glad I told you this, so you don't have to flame me for saying there might be a God just because of it, and if what I just said insults you, you're not actually stupid enough to fall under the category of stupid. If what I just now said confuses you, heh... I'll just leave that up to you to figure out. But you most likely can't, cause you're stupid, and this is going way too far, since I've explained the joke several sentences back, and uh.. well, I just had to do this.)

But even if I have my PC to do that on, doesn't mean that it's what I want to do.. so I read books, I do. I started doing that not so long ago. I just wish I had begun earlier. My ex-girlfriend suggested it to me already in 2001 I believe. And I think some other people suggested it to me earlier as well. But back then, I always had something else to do, and reading books just sounded to me like a waste of time. So very unproductive. And how wrong was I? Totally. Not only is reading books often better than watching many of the movies I've seen, it's also building up your sense of grammar and vocabulary. Of course, those are only practical reasons... It's actually great to have a "time-waster" now and then, which book reading certainly is. But I still like school better than books. If I bring books to school, I usually don't have time for reading them.. except for on the way to school and on the way back. Why is that?

If you have followed my diary from the beginning, or very early (something which I doubt, I'm rather uninteresting) you've figured that I like school because this is the arena where I socialize. And being social has become more and more important to me, as other things I used to enjoy has become less and less interesting. Of course I can regret having been so damn asocial during my younger school years, but what can I do about that now, eh? More or less nothing, yeah. So I try now to "catch up", without being too overwhelming upon those I socialize with. Yeah, yeah, you know who I mean.

Aye. I like school. I'm a total weirdo. I like most subjects too, btw. So I'm not like, totally focused on school just because of the social part. I like learning. Here's my school schedule, for those of you who are interested. I would like to point out my favorite and least favorite subjects too, before you get to see them. Or then again, you might've skipped this part, and gone straight to the schedule, because it's all yuck-colored and attention-grabbing, but anyway - my favorite subjects are, and have always been math and physics, while my least favorite subjects are german and gym. The first one I dislike due to the first teacher I had in the subject, God, how I hate that moron, and the other one I dislike just because it's physical training forced upon you. And you just gotta do it whether you like it or not. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against physical training, but why don't we get to do what we like? I mean, we often just play soccer or uh.. "field hockey" would be the best translation here, I guess. That's not my idea of fun. I much more enjoy jogging or running. Or volleyball or just plain ball-less play-games. Now that I've said it all, here goes:

 MondayTuesdayWednesdayThursdayFriday
08:30 - 09:15 ChemistryPhysicsGeography 
09:20 - 10:05 NorwegianPhysicsGeography/Older History 
10:15 - 11:00PhysicsOlder HistoryChemistryGeography/Older HistoryNorwegian
11:05 - 11:50GuidanceOlder HistoryChemistryPhilosophyKnowledge of Society
11:50 - 12:30Lunch
12:30 - 13:15NorwegianPhilosophyNorwegianGymnastics (P.E.)Knowledge of Society
13:20 - 14:05MathematicsMathematicsNorwegianGymnastics (P.E.)Physics
14:15 - 15:00GermanMathematicsGermanMathematicsPhysics
15:05 - 15:50GermanGuidanceGermanMathematicsGuidance


Interesting, isn't it? I just wish the two last German lessons on Monday and Friday were moved to the beginning of the day instead, and we've even suggested this, but it's impossible, due to so-and-so. I mean, I would rather start early and end early, than start late and end late. And why is that? Because the extra time on the start of the day doesn't have any use at all.

Now I say good bye, cause I just don't have anything else to add, cause I am boring and cause I am tired. Good night too. Since I'm going to bed.

Posted at 00:16 by darkphoenix
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